What is sleeping through the night?

Following on from last week's blog post we have been talking about babies "sleeping through the night," sometimes seen as the holy grail of early parenting! The question is, what does sleeping through the night actually mean?

Some doctors and experts consider sleeping through to be an unbroken stretch of sleep from midnight to 5am, only five hours. Most new parents are glad of that much sleep but wouldn't call it sleeping through!

Some sleep experts and books call sleeping through, either generally or in babies under a certain age, unbroken sleep from a late evening "dream feed" until morning. Usually eight or nine hours, which gives a tired mama the chance of a reasonable night's sleep.

Other people don't think a baby (or toddler) is really sleeping through until they can go from their bedtime all the way to morning without waking - eleven or twelve hours. That's long enough for mum and dad to have a child free evening and a good night's sleep.

So, do all these different definitions matter? Ultimately, no. Whatever you call it your baby will develop the ability to sleep for longer stretches gradually and in their own time so it doesn't really matter what label you use!

The problem is, parents do like to compare their babies. If someone tells you their baby slept through at just a few days old, they might be talking about a five hour stretch. Meanwhile you're still waiting for your baby to go twelve hours and feeling like you're falling behind! What if your baby sleeps for eight hours every night but instead of 11pm to 7am (through the night) she likes to sleep from 7pm to 3am. It's still eight hours, just less convenient for the adults.

All babies are different, they all grow at their own rate and they develop the ability to sleep for longer stretches when they are ready (if you need help with that, do ask me!) Being able to tick off a milestone is always fun, but when you chat to other mums remember that you might well be comparing apples and oranges. And if you're talking to a doctor, health visitor or other medical professional, always question exactly what they mean by "sleeping through."

Surviving on no sleep

We all know that newborn babies don't exactly sleep well, even those who love to sleep will need regular feeds and some struggle to settle, or have reflux, or just don't sleep for any number of reasons.

 

There are lots of things you can do to gently guide your newborn towards better sleep, and eventually sleeping through the night, but in the meantime night wakings are going to be a part of your life. The question is, how do you function during the day?

 

Emergency Sleep

If you have had less than four hours sleep in the last 24 hours then you are in desperate need of rest. The same can apply after very disrupted sleep for weeks or months. In that situation you are not safe to drive, not safe to share a bed with your baby, and can't function properly - although you might think you can. Life really is a struggle at that point, both physically and emotionally, and you are in desperate need of some emergency sleep.

This is the time when you need to rope in someone else, your partner, your mother, an understanding friend or a nanny. It doesn't have to be overnight, if they can only manage daytime, you are tired enough to sleep no matter what. First of all, if you are breastfeeding, express as much milk as you can. Then go to sleep while your helper cares for the baby somewhere where they wont disturb you. Have the breast pump set up near your bed so that if you wake with sore breasts you can just express quickly and go straight back to sleep. Don't get out of bed until you can't sleep any more. I heard of one mum who slept for a full 24 hours!

The world will seem like a whole new place in the morning.

Prioritise Rest

Make rest one of your most important priorities, right after making sure both you and the baby get fed. Yes, it's that old saying "sleep when the baby sleeps." I know it's tempting to use nap time to run round and get jobs done but housework really can take a back seat for a while. Clean laundry wont mean much if you are hallucinating through exhaustion. At least once a day either settle your baby for a nap or take them to bed with you (make your bed safe first) and rest, just lying down makes a big difference and if you fall asleep so much the better.

Use your Mornings

Mornings tend to be the easiest time, babies often nap well or are in their sunniest moods and you are as well rested as you are going to get. So make use of them! Do everything you possibly can first thing, from putting on the laundry and emptying the dishwasher to chopping the veg for dinner or even sticking it in the slowcooker. Later on in the day when you are really exhausted and the baby is grumpy you'll be thankful that you don't have to worry about cooking dinner. Plus you can get some rest in the evening, or even an early night, instead of staying up late to wash the dishes.

Get Things Done When Baby is Awake

Again, you want to be able to put your feet up when baby sleeps, and that means getting things done when she's awake. Get to know the things your baby likes best and build them into your routine. Does she love the sound of running water? Then she may well be happy in her bouncy chair while you have a shower or do the washing up. If he likes motion then try popping him in a sling while you dust and hoover. This approach kills two birds with one stone, you get things done and entertain your baby at the same time!

Ten Essential Baby Buys

If you are expecting your first baby it can be very difficult to know what you need to buy, and what you don't! Here are the ten things I think you really do need.

 

Don’t forget that there is nothing wrong with second hand items, provided you check for cleanliness, wear and tear.  The exceptions to this are your car seat and mattress, both of which must be new. If at all possible all of your baby’s sheets, blankets and clothes should be 100% cotton, with some woollen hats and cardigans in winter. Natural fibres are more comfortable than synthetic, and cotton can be washed at high temperatures if necessary.

1) A newborn car seat.

This is something you will want to have well in advance since you can't leave hospital without it. Ask the shop staff to make sure it fits your car and show you how to fit it yourself. You might like to practice that one, it's rather embarrassing if your homecoming is delayed because you can't strap the baby into the car!

2) A Moses basket, crib, co-sleeper or cot.

You can use a cot from day one, but most people like to use a basket as well.  Don't forget that you will need sheets and blankets too, go for cotton jersey fitted sheets and waffle weave blankets. If you plan to have baby in your bed at night do consider whether you will want somewhere for them to have daytime naps (bouncy chairs and swings are not safe for sleeping), and make sure you prepare your bed for safe bedsharing.

3) Swaddles

Get proper swaddles, shaped jersey wraps that do up with velcro. They are much easier to use and are also much safer than a large muslin or simple blanket.  Jersey (t-shirt fabric) may look thin but it is the best thing to use since you can always put a blanket over the top when it's chilly, and then take the blanket off if the baby gets too warm. Newborn babies really do sleep far better if they are swaddled, and you will want him to sleep well between feeds!

4) Muslins.

No matter how many you get, you will still manage to run out at some point. Muslins are great for so many things, catching dribbles during feeds, protecting your clothes from vomit, spreading over a changing mat, making an impromptu sun shade, the sky's the limit!

5) A dim light

You will need one for your baby’s room, and another for the room your baby will have night feeds in, if that's different. It could be a dimmer switch on the main light, a dim bulb in the lamp or a night light. You want to avoid bright lights at bedtime and for night feeds.

6) Nappies.

You will be needing a lot of nappies (washable or disposable), and cotton wool, nappy sacks, a changing mat and possibly a nappy bin. If you want to use baby wipes with a newborn I recommend waterwipes as they are the closest thing to water (you can get them from Amazon or Ocado.)

7) Clothes

Your baby will need something to wear but clothes are often given as gifts so stick with the basics to start with or you may end up with far too many. I would get short sleeved vests, babygrows, and two or three cardigans. You may also want some hats and mittens but do remember that your baby shouldn't be wearing a hat indoors. You will need some socks or booties if the babygrows don't have feet.

8) Transport

If you want to wear your baby then I suggest you go to your nearest sling library, where you will get lots of friendly advice and the chance to try out different types of sling before you decide to buy.

If you want to use a pram look for one which allows the baby to lie completely flat on a mattress. I like the old fashioned style since you can see the baby but any pram where they lie flat on a firm mattress is fine. Avoid using a car seat or other shaped surface on a pram base, except very briefly. Do get the sun shade and rain cover now, you will need them both eventually!

9) A soft play mat with hanging toys

The kind that include a variety of toys such as mirrors, bells etc. are the most interesting. Even a very young baby will enjoy watching the toys swinging and it gives you a safe place to put them down when you need your hands for another job.

10) Some quick and easy adult food.

Make your life as easy as possible and stock up on things you can cook almost without thinking. You may want to have some nice biscuits on hand to offer visitors as well, but don't feel you have to play hostess. This is one time you really can point guests towards the kitchen and ask them to put the kettle on!