Potty Training part 2 - nappy free

Your toddler shows all the signs of being ready to potty train and you have been preparing them for a few weeks. Now is the time to say goodbye to nappies!

Choose your day

Some children will simply announce that they don't want to wear nappies anymore, often at the least convenient moment! If you are choosing the day yourself, however, there are some things you will want to bear in mind. Choose a day when you will be at home with very little else going on, if you have any other children you may want to pick a time when they will be out of the house so that you can concentrate on your toddler. It is also best to avoid potty training when there are other changes in your little one's life - avoid holidays, and leave it at least a month either side (preferably two or three) of house moves and bigger changes.

A few days before you start it is a good idea to take your toddler on a special shopping trip to buy pants and a potty, step stool or toilet seat. Explain to them that they are a big boy or girl now and very soon they will wear the pants and use the new potty, more about that in part 1

First things first

It may seem obvious but the first step on potty training day is to take the nappies away. When your toddler gets dressed let them choose a pair of pants to wear and remind them that they will be using the potty today. Even if they have several accidents you need to avoid putting your little one back in nappies or nappy substitutes such as pull ups, except for situations like long car journeys. The exception is when you realise that your child really isn't ready and you are going to go back to nappies for several months. Swapping and changing more frequently can confuse a toddler. You don't want to suggest there is any choice or decision about whether or not they wear nappies, it's pants all the time when awake.

Accidents

During the day you will probably find that your toddler will have some accidents. When that happens try not to show any disgust or displeasure, just say something like "Oops, did you forget to go to the potty?" and take them to sit on the potty anyway. Even if they just sit there you are reinforcing the idea that this is what they should do. Then involve your toddler in taking her wet clothes to the washing machine, finding dry clothes to put on, helping with any other clearing up and washing her hands.

Rewards

When you do have a success you will want to reward your toddler. Depending on your child then your approval, a hug and a well done may be all that is needed. More tangible rewards are often not needed. If you do feel that you need something more then a sticker or a special reward chart may do the job.

A lot of people use a small sweet such as a chocolate button or jelly tot. They are small enough that you can give quite a few over the day without over doing it. You should only need to give those sorts of rewards for a week or two before they are no longer needed, after a while start to "forget" to give it, or switch to offering one at the end of an accident free day.

Another reward for day one is to let your child phone someone special, such as a Grandparent, to tell them how well they have done. Make sure the recipient of the phone call has been primed so they can be suitably enthusiastic, and ask them not to quiz your toddler on how many accidents they had. The point is that they tried!

At the end of the day

At bedtime, praise your little one for trying very hard and for the successes they have had during the day, without mentioning any accidents. Ask them to choose a pair of pants to wear tomorrow and lay them out ready. You will also need to explain that even big children sometimes wear nappies at night because you can't go to the potty when you are sleeping.   Reassure your toddler that he is still a big boy and will wear pants again in the morning.

Why Star Charts Don't Always Work

We all like the idea of earning a gold star and star charts are available to buy in every stationers or toy shop. But do they really work, and is there a better way?

The theory

A traditional star chart is a grid, with the days of the week along the top and tasks down one side. When the child completes a task, or shows a certain type of behaviour, they earn a star. When the child has a specific number of stars, or a number of days fully completed, they are given a prize. Earning a reward is a positive way to motivate your child, eventually the behaviour should become a habit. A star chart hanging on the wall also acts as a visual reminder, and allows the child to "show off" their stars, taking pride in their achievement.

Could it be better?

There are a few problems with traditional star charts. They only allow you to reward the specific behaviour you have written on the chart, so if your son forgets to make his bed he doesn't get a star - even if he picked up all his toys instead. It can also be too easy to focus on the empty squares, pointing out what your child forgot to do. The chart then becomes a negative form of discipline instead of the positive reward you had intended. If you have more than one child it is tempting to compare them, pointing out who has most stars. Even if you never mention it, the children probably will! Again, the child who has fewer stars can loose confidence and view the chart in a negative light. It is tempting to write things like "be kind to Tommy" which can leave you with a dilemma when your little girl is wonderfully kind for most of the morning but less so later on! Finally, a traditional star chart only lasts a week so every Monday morning the child is back to "square one" with a new chart. This can seem unfair when a child worked hard and only just missed out on a prize, the frustration can make them give up.

A team project

I prefer to have a chart that encourages the family to work together towards a team goal. A picture with several elements, such as a tree with apples to be coloured, is perfect for this. Any member of the family can colour in an apple if they do something worthy of reward. You can discuss in advance any specific things you want to encourage, and remind your child of them when you need to, but any spontaneous wonderful behaviour can also be rewarded. You may even find that children come and ask you what they can do to earn an apple! Completing the tree becomes a real team effort, with the whole family working together and helping each other to achieve success. Your little one will be thrilled if mummy and daddy earn the occasional apple as well.

It is important to choose your picture carefully. If you have a large family including older children then fifteen or even twenty apples might be a realistic goal, while one toddler will find five is more than enough. If you know what your reward will be you can even theme your picture to match. Vary the tasks as well, so that each child is asked to do things appropriate to their age and abilities.

The reward

With a traditional star chart suggested treats are often sweets or small toys. When the whole family are working together I suggest you plan a much bigger reward, something that won't just become another bit of clutter at the bottom of the toy box. Since everyone has put in a lot of effort, why not enjoy a fun day out? After a wonderful trip to the zoo, beach or cinema most children will be clamouring to start a new reward chart and earn another fabulous prize!

Some more ideas for pictures

Frogs in a pond
Flowers in the garden
Sandcastles, buckets and spades
People in the windows of a bus or train
Diggers on a worksite