What is sleeping through the night?

Following on from last week's blog post we have been talking about babies "sleeping through the night," sometimes seen as the holy grail of early parenting! The question is, what does sleeping through the night actually mean?

Some doctors and experts consider sleeping through to be an unbroken stretch of sleep from midnight to 5am, only five hours. Most new parents are glad of that much sleep but wouldn't call it sleeping through!

Some sleep experts and books call sleeping through, either generally or in babies under a certain age, unbroken sleep from a late evening "dream feed" until morning. Usually eight or nine hours, which gives a tired mama the chance of a reasonable night's sleep.

Other people don't think a baby (or toddler) is really sleeping through until they can go from their bedtime all the way to morning without waking - eleven or twelve hours. That's long enough for mum and dad to have a child free evening and a good night's sleep.

So, do all these different definitions matter? Ultimately, no. Whatever you call it your baby will develop the ability to sleep for longer stretches gradually and in their own time so it doesn't really matter what label you use!

The problem is, parents do like to compare their babies. If someone tells you their baby slept through at just a few days old, they might be talking about a five hour stretch. Meanwhile you're still waiting for your baby to go twelve hours and feeling like you're falling behind! What if your baby sleeps for eight hours every night but instead of 11pm to 7am (through the night) she likes to sleep from 7pm to 3am. It's still eight hours, just less convenient for the adults.

All babies are different, they all grow at their own rate and they develop the ability to sleep for longer stretches when they are ready (if you need help with that, do ask me!) Being able to tick off a milestone is always fun, but when you chat to other mums remember that you might well be comparing apples and oranges. And if you're talking to a doctor, health visitor or other medical professional, always question exactly what they mean by "sleeping through."

Surviving on no sleep

We all know that newborn babies don't exactly sleep well, even those who love to sleep will need regular feeds and some struggle to settle, or have reflux, or just don't sleep for any number of reasons.

 

There are lots of things you can do to gently guide your newborn towards better sleep, and eventually sleeping through the night, but in the meantime night wakings are going to be a part of your life. The question is, how do you function during the day?

 

Emergency Sleep

If you have had less than four hours sleep in the last 24 hours then you are in desperate need of rest. The same can apply after very disrupted sleep for weeks or months. In that situation you are not safe to drive, not safe to share a bed with your baby, and can't function properly - although you might think you can. Life really is a struggle at that point, both physically and emotionally, and you are in desperate need of some emergency sleep.

This is the time when you need to rope in someone else, your partner, your mother, an understanding friend or a nanny. It doesn't have to be overnight, if they can only manage daytime, you are tired enough to sleep no matter what. First of all, if you are breastfeeding, express as much milk as you can. Then go to sleep while your helper cares for the baby somewhere where they wont disturb you. Have the breast pump set up near your bed so that if you wake with sore breasts you can just express quickly and go straight back to sleep. Don't get out of bed until you can't sleep any more. I heard of one mum who slept for a full 24 hours!

The world will seem like a whole new place in the morning.

Prioritise Rest

Make rest one of your most important priorities, right after making sure both you and the baby get fed. Yes, it's that old saying "sleep when the baby sleeps." I know it's tempting to use nap time to run round and get jobs done but housework really can take a back seat for a while. Clean laundry wont mean much if you are hallucinating through exhaustion. At least once a day either settle your baby for a nap or take them to bed with you (make your bed safe first) and rest, just lying down makes a big difference and if you fall asleep so much the better.

Use your Mornings

Mornings tend to be the easiest time, babies often nap well or are in their sunniest moods and you are as well rested as you are going to get. So make use of them! Do everything you possibly can first thing, from putting on the laundry and emptying the dishwasher to chopping the veg for dinner or even sticking it in the slowcooker. Later on in the day when you are really exhausted and the baby is grumpy you'll be thankful that you don't have to worry about cooking dinner. Plus you can get some rest in the evening, or even an early night, instead of staying up late to wash the dishes.

Get Things Done When Baby is Awake

Again, you want to be able to put your feet up when baby sleeps, and that means getting things done when she's awake. Get to know the things your baby likes best and build them into your routine. Does she love the sound of running water? Then she may well be happy in her bouncy chair while you have a shower or do the washing up. If he likes motion then try popping him in a sling while you dust and hoover. This approach kills two birds with one stone, you get things done and entertain your baby at the same time!

Why does "sleep beget sleep"?

You have probably heard the phrase "sleep begets sleep," perhaps from an older relative or an experienced mum at playgroup. It's a confusing one, partly because it's so counter intuitive. After all, surely a baby will sleep better if they are tired!

In a way you are right, nobody can sleep all the time and there is certainly a point at which you can't sleep at night if you slept all day! Having said that, most babies and toddlers are running short on sleep so if you are having difficulties at night it is highly unlikely that cutting down on naps will be the answer.

Our bodies are complex things and there are many influences on them, but there are two main reasons why being well rested makes it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep. Both are to do with hormones. This is a very brief summary since it's not intended for scientists, and I'm not one either! But on a practical level it can help to have a basic understanding.

First, levels of the "sleep hormone" melatonin go up when you are asleep. In an adult they go up in the evening and fall again in the morning, staying very low all day. When a child has lots of naps the level hasn't so much time to drop at each waking and stays a bit higher. Melatonin is so effective in helping your child to fall asleep that it is sometimes prescribed to people with sleep problems, so might as well make use of it when it occurs naturally! If your little one hasn't had a nap in a while their melatonin level will be lower, making falling asleep harder.

To add to that, levels of the "stress hormone" cortisol drop during sleep. So a well rested child is likely to feel calmer and more relaxed, exactly the state you need to fall back to sleep at bedtime. It is important to know that cortisol is entirely normal, and even essential. The levels we are talking about here are part of normal daily fluctuations and not high enough to cause brain damage or other problems (those are usually reserved for really traumatic situations, like war). Even so, a slightly high cortisol level can make falling asleep tricky!

So, there it is in a nutshell. Sleep begets sleep because the hormone changes during sleep make it easier to fall asleep, and stay that way. Which is why I sometimes suggest an earlier bedtime, or longer nap, for a little one who struggles at night.

Ask Nanny Lorna - Why does my baby hate her cot?

Today we have a question from the mum of a young baby, who sleeps well in a moses basket but seems to hate her cot.